I'm back
it was an incredibly important thing to get away for that long. Some things didn't go as planned,but good came from it. we sounded better than ever, i saw more places than i cared to(but without the shitty ones,the spectacular ones wouldn't be as such), and i think i can honestly say the dudes in the band are my friends now.

above is like 1 of......12 pictures i took. all bad, all within three days out of 7 weeks....that is a long damn time man. It has been decided that next year we are venturing to europe,recording,among other things that i've dreamed about doing.(i've recorded just nothing with the likes of kurt ballou,i mean jesus fucking christ)

so i come back to you texas...naked, in my room, listening to a 1.5 gig carepackage of music delivered by my friend braden. two days before i move to the almighty austin to become employed,and enjoy my time off whilst bettering myself in ways that i've already decided.

tonight i saw my whole family and it seems more and more that they are concerned with seeming happy than actually doing so for themselves...i guess that's either me getting older and happier, or it actually happening.

i have about 13 pounds of laundry to do, all soaked in sweat and black. tomorrow i have to go sort out my passport, buy new clothes to work in(and just wear in general..i have no winter clothes that fit), and pack my things for the journey on sunday.

i will be living with my friend matt needles. one of a handful of dudes in texas that i can truly say that i connect with on more than just one shallow level. it's exciting, i would probably choose him as a room mate, but he is nice enough to extend his living room to me nearly free of charge. perhaps he is lonely and in need of a real dude.

i am already itching to find out what the band is going to do next. it feels so powerful and amazing to be delved deep into a blinding collision of intensity and sound. the days that i felt it, i really felt it, and there were many.

i strive to be nothing more than a name on a memorial wall of contributors to the noise against relaxation and recreational music.

"chill music"
"music to sleep to"

suck my dick if that's what you want music for. if it doesn't excite every single sense of you, it's not worth listening to.

also i have a girlfriend.

out

In about one week's time i'll be heading out on the road from San Antonio for about two months. That is a long time, my chops will improve greatly, i will lose weight from malnutrition, i will make better friends with those in the van and around the U.S., and I will go broke. I will pee in bottles, i will masturbate in public restrooms that i find clean, I will not see a familiar face sans band, I will probably watch magnolia and blade runner about 20 times.

It's more than exciting, it's the life anyone should live for their passion.

Of course doing so makes me wonder about other aspects of my life...finances,education, women....let's go through each for a second.

finances..i have no savings. i have no money whatsoever. i was barely able to scrape together enough to eat for the next two months and even then it might not be enough. my car almost got repossessed, i owe the state of Texas for four speeding tickets, i've sold pretty much everything i have of wordly value besides what i use at home to keep myself entertained and not going out....But with finances it's usually correctable....so naturally i'm not worried about my debt.

education? you can always go to school but i really don't want to be taking basics still when i'm 24...but really...to travel the world and do what i'm best at in front of complete strangers for money...really just seems a lot more important when you're idealistic about the arts, like myself.

women...haven't tried to date a girl in about a year, and it was like 6 months before her...i really just...don't care...although it's starting to feel like time to pursue someone. Should i though? It's so much trouble, i won't be really..STATIONARY for the next two months,and who even knows during the next year. Not to mention i think i've been striving to make myself more unattractive by telling whatever jokes i want, acting like a nerd, and just wearing whatever is folded on my floor..i'd really have to try i guess.

see ya in a various amount of days america.